I thank You God for most this amazing day~e.e.cummings

I thank You God for most this amazing day
for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky
and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes
e. e. cummings

The final adoption date for J has been set for September 5th.

We are overjoyed, grateful, relieved, elated, happy, and a little prepared for a snafu to occur.

He turns one on September 4th; adopted on the 5th; and we'll have him baptized on the 6th. There's going to be one big party on that night!

You will never understand bureaucracies until you understand that for bureaucrats procedure is everything and outcomes are nothing.-Thomas Sowell

A very disappointing day in court.

The birth mother moved. Social services knew, but did not share the info. DA tried to serve with official papers, but failed as the birth mother had moved. Neither side talked.

Case adjourned.

It does not matter that the mother signed off on rights months ago. It does not matter that she has no interest in the child, still. It does not matter that the child is in a stable, loving home, and has been since he left the hospital.

We meet again on July 7th. The process won't even start until then-and who knows if then. That means the court won't recognize J as our son until after his first birthday in September.

There are those who say this doesn't matter; he's in our home, and it's not likely he'll be removed from it.

There are those who say that due process must be served, to protect his best interests, so no one can come back at a later time to challenge his family-ness with us.

There are also those who will say this is a total waste of taxpayers' money, a waste of Social Services, Court, DA, & GAL time.

There are those who will say this is an open-and-shut case; the birth mother does not want the child, and we do.

I had a goal of not writing with disdain on the system too much, as this was the system that was giving us our son. For that, I am truly grateful.

But when a system will not unite a family, will not find ways to expedite the challenges that do indeed come up, and does not feel any remorse whatsoever that it lacks the skills and desires to do so-then, for this post, at least, I protest.

I protest, I protest, I protest.

And I wipe away the tears that fall on the head of my sleeping son.

There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies.~Winston Churchill

A post script to Wednesday's post...

Whatever my personal feelings are about my life accomplishments, I do know solidly that caring for my foster/adoptive son is an extremely personal, total commitment to bettering the world.

This isn't about the wondrous things he brings to our lives; that would deserve it's own focus.

It's about what having him in our family gives to the world.

Hopefully...

It will spare a child from feelings of despair and frustration, and replace that with feelings of love and wonder with the world around him.

It will keep a mother from dreading the arrival of morning, one more day to wonder how she'll make it through, replaced with knowing she made a supreme sacrifice to better a life. (I have met J's mother several times; I believe she is a good person with more challenges in her life than I've known.)

It will keep one citizen from the temptation of crime and unproductiveness, replaced with, who knows? A vet, a composer, an Olympic athlete, a future President...

And what he will nurture, children like him and whomever he will lead and mentor into realizing their visions.

I understand that the diapers I change today are a part of all these hopes. It doesn't lessen my ache for other achievements, but it certainly is a solid something I know I'm living now.

Abigail would do the same if she had my options.

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.~Winston Churchill

Yesterday there was a hearing in court for J. Once again we found that the papers for him hadn't been filed. We'd been told they'd be filed by the end of December, then the middle of February, and now this. I'd volunteer to strap J in a harness on me and fill out forms or make copies or do whatever to help get this done, if it would be taken seriously.

Some good came of the hearing, though. The judge officially ruled that adoption was the plan for J. He also recommended the papers be filed as quickly as possible, bless him. A supervisor has them; they could be filed by today, even. I know enough, though, to not to get my hopes up too high.

On the note of legal issues, we're in the middle of submitting a request for more time with A. These two issues are my heart's purest prayers. It seems to be hard to make either happen. All this loops back to my previous posting on prayer. Still not a lot of luck on that front, either. I go through the motions; the routine itself offers some comfort. I still search.

It's so odd to aspire to something you have little to no control over. What a frustrating position to be in! Is that how my children feel? (Or will feel, in J's case.)

So the most important efforts of my life to this point show no success. Is that failure? If I can find a way to continue enthusiasm, then maybe not.

Wish us success...

Somehow destiny comes into play. These children end up with you and you end up with them. It's something quite magical.-Nicole Kidman, adoptive parent

Yesterday was magical.

We've had J for five months. We went through '100 Nights of No Sleep'. We've watched his reflux ravage him, from once an hour to once or twice a day. We've changed over 1,000 diapers. We've fed him over 3,000 ounces of preemie formula. We've kissed him at least 10,000 times.

The adoption is still stalled. We have court later this week, but since nothing else has been done, nothing else will be done.

But yesterday, in my heart, he became my son. Not my foster son. Not my adoptive son. But my son.

We were sitting in the den, he on my lap. As I ate a nectarine, I slowly scraped tiny tastes for him to savor. He'd look up at me intermittantly, content, serene, sweet.

Nothing special. No fireworks, no parades, no trumpets. But everything changed, deepened, intensified.

I could adopt a dozen children, love them, fight for them, spend my life being their mother. All with the hopes that this feeling would bloom.

Isn't it sweet that it did?

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.-Mark Twain

J cut two teeth this weekend, one Saturday and one Sunday, the front bottom teeth. This seems early to me; it's either five and a half months true age, or three and a half adjusted. It's one more way of showing me that each child is their own, on their own schedule, with their own blueprint.

J is becoming himself.

I'd hoped hoped that this would calm his spirit; he'd been cranky. Make that CRANKY. But no luck there. There may be more teeth coming in; there's a bump to the left of his front teeth, which again would be off schedule. (We'd expect his top two teeth to come in next.) Or he may just be CRANKY. I understand why doctors prescribed valium for mothers in the past. The good old days...:)

His adoption seems stalled. His mother hasn't changed her mind; she still wants to give up rights. It seems the issue is paperwork and red tape. Sad how a little one's life doesn't tip the scale when weighed against these.

Any other parents out there who've fostered or adopted know this feeling of being terminally on hold. You go day in and day out, feeding, loving, losing sleep, and in the back of your mind is always the thought "What if...". You say, "Good morning, son!" and a little piece of your heart reminds you, quietly but firmly, that in the eyes of the law, he's not your son.

Funny, if we were in a less-advanced country, we could pass a generous amount of money to some official and speed this up. But no, here we cannot bribe. We're simply at the mercy of overworked, overwhelmed people who can't be inspired to move him to the top of their list. We don't look so advanced when you look at it that way, do we?

How many more milestones will we celebrate with J while in limbo?