J. was legally, morally, ethically, practically, and totally made our son today.
'Nuf said. It is very good.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
On the day that you were born the angels got together and decided to create a dream come true...~The Carpenters
So they sprinkled moondust in your hair
Of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue
How could Karen have known J would have golden hair and blue eyes?
Our friend Amy sang this song to all of her children when they were born-what a wonderful welcome into this world.
J may not have had such a warm welcome. His birth mother seemed proud of him as 'a little fighter', but admits she feels no connection to him and was never affectionate.
J was transferred within hours from the little hospital at which he was born to St. Joe's, which is the leading NICU in the area. (He was ten weeks early.)
St. Joe's has a program for these little ones that is gifted with 'nurturers'-volunteer adults, usually retired people, who come in on a regular basis. Their only job is to hold the little ones, sing to them, rock them, walk with them-to love on them, basically.
These angels saved J from a barren first month. He was so loved that first month, even before he had parents.
He had two main nurturers, Diane and Lee. We were blessed enough to meet both.
Diane kept a log for J, so we have a written record of this seemingly lost time. St. Joe's titles it 'Footsteps to my Future'.
"He was gripping my finger with awesome strength. Our little "man of steel" he is!"
They must have nicknamed him from that as the nurses and staff all called him "Mr. Man."
Lee was his other nurterer, a great bear of a man. The last time we saw him was when we were there to pick him up. He asked me if I'd gotten plenty of sleep as I wasn't going to get any for a long time. I said no, I was too excited. He said he didn't either. When I asked why, he said "I was sad I wasn't going to see J anymore. But I'm so glad he has a family now."
Today is J's first birthday.
We're so glad you were born, J.
Friday, July 18, 2008
I thank You God for most this amazing day~e.e.cummings
I thank You God for most this amazing day
for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky
and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes
e. e. cummings
The final adoption date for J has been set for September 5th.
We are overjoyed, grateful, relieved, elated, happy, and a little prepared for a snafu to occur.
He turns one on September 4th; adopted on the 5th; and we'll have him baptized on the 6th. There's going to be one big party on that night!
for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky
and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes
e. e. cummings
The final adoption date for J has been set for September 5th.
We are overjoyed, grateful, relieved, elated, happy, and a little prepared for a snafu to occur.
He turns one on September 4th; adopted on the 5th; and we'll have him baptized on the 6th. There's going to be one big party on that night!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
You will never understand bureaucracies until you understand that for bureaucrats procedure is everything and outcomes are nothing.-Thomas Sowell
A very disappointing day in court.
The birth mother moved. Social services knew, but did not share the info. DA tried to serve with official papers, but failed as the birth mother had moved. Neither side talked.
Case adjourned.
It does not matter that the mother signed off on rights months ago. It does not matter that she has no interest in the child, still. It does not matter that the child is in a stable, loving home, and has been since he left the hospital.
We meet again on July 7th. The process won't even start until then-and who knows if then. That means the court won't recognize J as our son until after his first birthday in September.
There are those who say this doesn't matter; he's in our home, and it's not likely he'll be removed from it.
There are those who say that due process must be served, to protect his best interests, so no one can come back at a later time to challenge his family-ness with us.
There are also those who will say this is a total waste of taxpayers' money, a waste of Social Services, Court, DA, & GAL time.
There are those who will say this is an open-and-shut case; the birth mother does not want the child, and we do.
I had a goal of not writing with disdain on the system too much, as this was the system that was giving us our son. For that, I am truly grateful.
But when a system will not unite a family, will not find ways to expedite the challenges that do indeed come up, and does not feel any remorse whatsoever that it lacks the skills and desires to do so-then, for this post, at least, I protest.
I protest, I protest, I protest.
And I wipe away the tears that fall on the head of my sleeping son.
The birth mother moved. Social services knew, but did not share the info. DA tried to serve with official papers, but failed as the birth mother had moved. Neither side talked.
Case adjourned.
It does not matter that the mother signed off on rights months ago. It does not matter that she has no interest in the child, still. It does not matter that the child is in a stable, loving home, and has been since he left the hospital.
We meet again on July 7th. The process won't even start until then-and who knows if then. That means the court won't recognize J as our son until after his first birthday in September.
There are those who say this doesn't matter; he's in our home, and it's not likely he'll be removed from it.
There are those who say that due process must be served, to protect his best interests, so no one can come back at a later time to challenge his family-ness with us.
There are also those who will say this is a total waste of taxpayers' money, a waste of Social Services, Court, DA, & GAL time.
There are those who will say this is an open-and-shut case; the birth mother does not want the child, and we do.
I had a goal of not writing with disdain on the system too much, as this was the system that was giving us our son. For that, I am truly grateful.
But when a system will not unite a family, will not find ways to expedite the challenges that do indeed come up, and does not feel any remorse whatsoever that it lacks the skills and desires to do so-then, for this post, at least, I protest.
I protest, I protest, I protest.
And I wipe away the tears that fall on the head of my sleeping son.
Monday, June 2, 2008
The question is not "To be or not to be," it is what we should be until we are not.-Soren Kierkegaard
And tomorrow is a big step in who we want to be.
Tomorrow we have our first court date for J. From what I understand, this is to find 'grounds'; grounds to terminate parental rights, even though J's mother is voluntarily giving them up.
The next step will be 'findings'. Hopefully the judge will 'find' that J belongs in a good adoptive home-preferably ours, since he's known no other and seems to be thriving.
The last step will be the adoption, complete with a party at the courthouse and balloons and champagne.
All of this could be finished within sixty days-or six to seven months. Not knowing J's father puts uncertainty into the court system.
But speaking of thriving, our youngest is 'scooching'-getting around doing a form of an army crawl. He's fast enough to get into trouble, but not so fast that we don't have time to finish baby-proofing. He's eating more table foods-not a one he doesn't chow down on. He's getting a little Buddha-belly. And clapping. There's our update on his progression.
What we want to be is a family-and that's what we've been being. Our last task is to convince the court to acknowledge us as what we are.
Tomorrow we have our first court date for J. From what I understand, this is to find 'grounds'; grounds to terminate parental rights, even though J's mother is voluntarily giving them up.
The next step will be 'findings'. Hopefully the judge will 'find' that J belongs in a good adoptive home-preferably ours, since he's known no other and seems to be thriving.
The last step will be the adoption, complete with a party at the courthouse and balloons and champagne.
All of this could be finished within sixty days-or six to seven months. Not knowing J's father puts uncertainty into the court system.
But speaking of thriving, our youngest is 'scooching'-getting around doing a form of an army crawl. He's fast enough to get into trouble, but not so fast that we don't have time to finish baby-proofing. He's eating more table foods-not a one he doesn't chow down on. He's getting a little Buddha-belly. And clapping. There's our update on his progression.
What we want to be is a family-and that's what we've been being. Our last task is to convince the court to acknowledge us as what we are.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies.~Winston Churchill
A post script to Wednesday's post...
Whatever my personal feelings are about my life accomplishments, I do know solidly that caring for my foster/adoptive son is an extremely personal, total commitment to bettering the world.
This isn't about the wondrous things he brings to our lives; that would deserve it's own focus.
It's about what having him in our family gives to the world.
Hopefully...
It will spare a child from feelings of despair and frustration, and replace that with feelings of love and wonder with the world around him.
It will keep a mother from dreading the arrival of morning, one more day to wonder how she'll make it through, replaced with knowing she made a supreme sacrifice to better a life. (I have met J's mother several times; I believe she is a good person with more challenges in her life than I've known.)
It will keep one citizen from the temptation of crime and unproductiveness, replaced with, who knows? A vet, a composer, an Olympic athlete, a future President...
And what he will nurture, children like him and whomever he will lead and mentor into realizing their visions.
I understand that the diapers I change today are a part of all these hopes. It doesn't lessen my ache for other achievements, but it certainly is a solid something I know I'm living now.
Abigail would do the same if she had my options.
Whatever my personal feelings are about my life accomplishments, I do know solidly that caring for my foster/adoptive son is an extremely personal, total commitment to bettering the world.
This isn't about the wondrous things he brings to our lives; that would deserve it's own focus.
It's about what having him in our family gives to the world.
Hopefully...
It will spare a child from feelings of despair and frustration, and replace that with feelings of love and wonder with the world around him.
It will keep a mother from dreading the arrival of morning, one more day to wonder how she'll make it through, replaced with knowing she made a supreme sacrifice to better a life. (I have met J's mother several times; I believe she is a good person with more challenges in her life than I've known.)
It will keep one citizen from the temptation of crime and unproductiveness, replaced with, who knows? A vet, a composer, an Olympic athlete, a future President...
And what he will nurture, children like him and whomever he will lead and mentor into realizing their visions.
I understand that the diapers I change today are a part of all these hopes. It doesn't lessen my ache for other achievements, but it certainly is a solid something I know I'm living now.
Abigail would do the same if she had my options.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
...I feel anxious for the fate of our monarchy, or democracy, or whatever is to take place.~Abigail Adams
Full quote:
...I feel anxious for the fate of our monarchy, or democracy, or whatever is to take place. I soon get lost in a labyrinth of perplexities; but, whatever occurs, may justice and righteousness be the stability of our times, and order arise out of confusion. Great difficulties may be surmounted by patience and perseverance.
What a wise woman she seems to have been. It is often noted that John Adams was most successful and at his best when Abigail was at his side, or when he heeded her advise. Even General Washington commented to her on how John looked to her for guidance.
She often spoke out for the rights of women. I believe that stemmed from her love of learning, and how her own education was not encouraged. She conversed on the classics and on current events with a wisdom that surprised the most learned men of the time. She longed to do do great things, I believe. She wanted to make a difference.
But what HBO serialized was the life of John Adams. (Great series, BTW.) Understandably so; he was the second president of the United States and pivotal in the development of us as a nation.
And so I feel a bit like Abigail Adams; capable of so much more.
She had the limits of the times that stopped her. I have much less of that. Nothing insurmountable. And so I wonder what is stopping me.
At first glance, it may be that I have no goal. Aristotle knew he wanted to be a philosopher and spent his life pursuing that goal. Jefferson knew he wanted to be a man of learning and was just that. Einstein's love was science and his life was immersed in it.
I love too much, perhaps. I love philosophy, literature, computers, management, business. I love art and music. I love gardening and creating a home environment. I love being a mother and love being with my children.
Anyone can easily see that no one (short of the Da Vinci's in our universe) can master all interests. And so I subject myself to the role of Abigail. I live in a time that needs leadership, guidance, wisdom, and can see visions of greatness for our land and world. What I do with my days is change diapers, vacuum (and consider myself lucky for finding the time to do so), search for grocery sales and clip coupons. I drive to doctor appointments, soccer games, karate practices. I clean up after the dog, and pet the cats when they cuddle as I feed the baby.
Nothing bad, by any means. Necessary functioning that I've chosen. I chose to be a wife, a mother, a keeper of urban zoos. But I know all to well that the vision of greatness gathers more dust than my bookshelves.
...I feel anxious for the fate of our monarchy, or democracy, or whatever is to take place. I soon get lost in a labyrinth of perplexities; but, whatever occurs, may justice and righteousness be the stability of our times, and order arise out of confusion. Great difficulties may be surmounted by patience and perseverance.
What a wise woman she seems to have been. It is often noted that John Adams was most successful and at his best when Abigail was at his side, or when he heeded her advise. Even General Washington commented to her on how John looked to her for guidance.
She often spoke out for the rights of women. I believe that stemmed from her love of learning, and how her own education was not encouraged. She conversed on the classics and on current events with a wisdom that surprised the most learned men of the time. She longed to do do great things, I believe. She wanted to make a difference.
But what HBO serialized was the life of John Adams. (Great series, BTW.) Understandably so; he was the second president of the United States and pivotal in the development of us as a nation.
And so I feel a bit like Abigail Adams; capable of so much more.
She had the limits of the times that stopped her. I have much less of that. Nothing insurmountable. And so I wonder what is stopping me.
At first glance, it may be that I have no goal. Aristotle knew he wanted to be a philosopher and spent his life pursuing that goal. Jefferson knew he wanted to be a man of learning and was just that. Einstein's love was science and his life was immersed in it.
I love too much, perhaps. I love philosophy, literature, computers, management, business. I love art and music. I love gardening and creating a home environment. I love being a mother and love being with my children.
Anyone can easily see that no one (short of the Da Vinci's in our universe) can master all interests. And so I subject myself to the role of Abigail. I live in a time that needs leadership, guidance, wisdom, and can see visions of greatness for our land and world. What I do with my days is change diapers, vacuum (and consider myself lucky for finding the time to do so), search for grocery sales and clip coupons. I drive to doctor appointments, soccer games, karate practices. I clean up after the dog, and pet the cats when they cuddle as I feed the baby.
Nothing bad, by any means. Necessary functioning that I've chosen. I chose to be a wife, a mother, a keeper of urban zoos. But I know all to well that the vision of greatness gathers more dust than my bookshelves.
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